I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
