I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
