My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
