I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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