Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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