In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
