And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
