dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we made out on top of his cat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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