I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
