and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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