yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
