the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
