I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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