idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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