apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
