You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
