life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
