1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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