Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
