Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
