if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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