Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
