So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
