I showed him my bush... on skype.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
