how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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