I don't think brook has ever known best
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
