I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
