Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
