If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
