Are we in a gay sports bar?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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