he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
