i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to calm my uterus...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
