Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
