a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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