you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
