Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
