The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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