thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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