Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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