i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
