How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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