I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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