Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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