I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
