I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
