I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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