Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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