i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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