people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just invented taco cereal.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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