He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
