It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
