walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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