the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
