Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
