this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
